WE RANK EVERY SURVIVOR EVER

[lexvandenberghe]

481: Terry Dietz (Exile Island) - fuck anyone who thinks this idiot should have won Panama. An overinflated ego whose idea of a deal was to offer people a worse position than they already had. I bet that sonofabitch spent months when he got home trying to balance on a playing card in a kiddie pool in his backyard.

[Host Brian]

480. Krista Klumpp (Redemption Island). How has she slipped down this far? Krista is such a boring, boring character who received minimal screen time, but when she did, was awful. She clung to Hantz, and after he left, complained people weren't "playing the game". I'm only cutting her before Stephanie because Stephanie seemed like she'd be an interesting person for an episode, and actually helped move the story along, even if it was unpleasant. As a final "Fuck you" from her, she lasted longer than people like Dreamz, Terry, and Shambo.

[Jonny "FIGGA" Fairplay]

479. Jed Hildebrand (Thailand): I know almost nothing about this dude except for the fact that he was the one who went home during the Ted/Ghandia episode and that he was a dentist. Blegh. Very boring pre-merge Thailand boot.

[Eliza Orlins]

Mar 10, 2015 20:45:50 GMT Jonny "FIGGA" Fairplay said:

Ambuh continues his tirade against Fiji. Seriously he hates it. He actually legit told me he prefers Redemption Island to Fiji ANYWAAAAAY..

Well obviously Amber doesn't hate the season Boston Rob won. 

Seriously though, Fiji might've had its flaws, but it had some redeeming features. RI was a gigantic turd from start to finish. 

[kass]

478: Troy"zan" Robertson (One World): This is not your island. Boring, loud, ate up air time from characters who could have had more air time than him (I won't say they would've been interesting since that's One World and that'd be giving casting a bit too much credit). He was also apparently rumored for Caramoan and Blood vs. Water and I shudder to think how much worse those seasons would have been if he had been involved in them. So yeah! Troyzan gets taken out here.

[tbird]

477: Sundra Oakley (Cook Islands): Some people talk about the Aitu Four overcoming an eight to four defecit as if it was compelling television. I don't understand some people, because half of the Aitu Four was 100% useless. Rebecca is the slightly more egregious offender as Becky following Yul around like a puppy was at least slightly funny in her ineptitude, but watching Sundra is basically watching pre-merge fodder that exists in every episode. She confirmed that she barely even played Survivor when on Day 38 she was unable to light a fire when given kindling, wood, flint & steel, matches, kerosine, a lighter, a flamethrower, and the actual burning sun. Damn shame because she probably would have swept the finals 9-0-0 against Yul and Ozzy right? (Seriously, what was her endgame?)

[Alina Wilson]

476: Becky Lee (Cook Islands): why are you still here lol like sundra got cut before you which is kind of backwards. i dont remember you having any discernable personality. so um...bye

[Jonny "FIGGA" Fairplay]

Cutting again in Ambuh's place cause fuck you that's why.

475: Jonathan Libby (Palau): Dude sucked so much he got taken even before tribes were even formed. At least Wanda was entertaining the short amount of time she was there.

[Host Jeremiah]

474: Keith Tollefson (South Pacific): He's kind of hot, but other than that he was not a great addition to this already bland season.

[Austin]

473 - Greg "Tarzan" Smith (OW): God this guy was a pain to watch. His only funny line was telling Christina "yeah I wouldn't be friends with you outside the game - but Jonas for sure" and that was more ironic than not. He brought down the whole mood of the season with his awful cringe comedy. He is the definition of a Phillip-esque tryhard, except hopefully one that will never be asked back.

[Eliza Orlins]

472 - Tina Wesson (Blood vs Water)

This one's probably gonna be controversial. I loved Tina in the Outback, I even enjoyed her for the thirty seconds of screentime she got in All Stars, but in Blood vs Water she seemed to have bought into her own hype to a really obnoxious degree. Practically everything she did screamed, "I'm fooling you into thinking I'm some cute little hick lady WHEN I'M REALLY NOT HEEHEEHEE!". If you've ever played hide and seek with a five year old, it's basically that same level of stealth and guile. I'm sorry, Tina, but that cat's been out of the bag for about ten years at this point.

From my perspective, didn't seem like she was fooling people, so much as that people didn't really give a shit. And they kinda didn't need to, since even when she tried to unleash her inner badass it didn't really work, since she sucked at almost every premerge challenge and didn't really mastermind any moves to speak of, or at least none that I can remember. At least her totally undeserved RI return didn't wind up giving her a totally undeserved dual winner slot alongside goddess Sandra. IDOL'D BY KASS.

[kass]

Yeah I'm idoling Tina

[Host Brian]

Sorry Lex, it's been 12 hours.

472: Stephanie Valencia (Redemption Island). With Russell and Krista out, it's Stephanie's turn. Stephanie is a pretty unpleasant character. The first thing she does is climb up Hantz's asshole, until he gets booted. She then attempts to climb up David Murphy's asshole, which is almost as bad. When she's finally getting voted out, she whines about how nobody is willing to "play the game". Really? After you only associate with 2 people for the first 6 days, then whine and complain and argue with your tribe after that, you really expect that anyone would have any interest in saving you? I really don't understand how she has a fan base.

[lexvandenberghe]

Do I go now or wait till the next goaround?

[Host Brian]

Next round, after Eliza.