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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:04:08 GMT
on right now
adam
chelsea
cirie
colton
dolly
kathy
robb
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:04:27 GMT
these guys have been on the most
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:04:42 GMT
i call them the power players
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:05:03 GMT
so i have an hour left so i need to keep going
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:06:16 GMT
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:06:27 GMT
The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:07:16 GMT
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:09:10 GMT
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:09:26 GMT
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:09:57 GMT
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:10:24 GMT
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:10:40 GMT
Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:11:34 GMT
A boy is selling fish on a corner. To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!" A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'" The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam." The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish. The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way." He explains to her why they are dam fish. Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds, "That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the f*cking potatoes!"
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:11:49 GMT
Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die.
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Post by Josh Canfield on Mar 6, 2015 2:12:11 GMT
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
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